how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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