And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
