I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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