and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
