Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
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i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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