I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
