Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
