I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
