did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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