Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
