OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
