So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
