I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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