If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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