i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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