god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
