you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
