ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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