Swine flu. Run for my life!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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