Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
