was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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