The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
