well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
