I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My balls are so social today.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
