I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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