i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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