I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
