sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
