if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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