All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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