im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
