Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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