i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
