i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
