So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
