It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
