If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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