I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize