Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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