He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
