sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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