your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
