What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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