she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
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Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
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I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Randomize