so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
