Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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