It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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