a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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