Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
