I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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