I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
be right there i have to get my cape
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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