All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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