This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
