You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
