I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
