NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
