I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
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I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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