I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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