So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I will pee on everything he values.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
