He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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