I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
PANTIES FOUND
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