so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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