i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
