I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
